The ABC of Parenthood…The Nights of the Baby

HOW TO HELP THE BABY SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHTS

There’s no miracle recipe to help a baby sleep through the night. It’s the one thing all parents have the hardest time establishing.

Of course, every baby is different and I’ve heard that the time of day a baby is born will affect his or her nights. I’ve seen the difference with my two children, but I couldn’t tell you if the time of birth had anything to do with it.

So what can you do to make yours sleep through the long nights as quickly as possible?

It’s important to keep the same bedtime.

There are many factors to consider in getting the baby to sleep through the nights and there are some simple things you can do to make it easier for you.

Establish a bedtime ritual

Establishing a routine for your baby’s nights is just as important as establishing a routine for the days.

Unlike daytime, nighttime requires quiet and closed curtains in a baby’s room.  The room and its bed should be associated with sleep.

A bedtime routine is used to create cues for the baby and promote sleep.

After feeding or bottle-feeding around suppertime, ideally, 7 p.m., start the evening routine.

While it was more convenient for me to wash my babies in the morning, the evening routine is just as effective.

Bathing

You know just like me that a bath is relaxing. That’s why it’s usually suggested that the baby be bathed at night. This is especially helpful if your maternity leave is short and you don’t have time to bathe the baby in the morning.

However, I find that at the end of the day, as an adult, you’re much more tired. Bath time in the evening can quickly end up being an unwanted chore. That’s why I recommend bath time in the morning, at least during your maternity leave, so that you can enjoy it more and appreciate it.

In the evening, instead of bathing, nothing prevents you from having the baby washed, massaged, and put him/her in pyjamas. Changing clothes in the evening helps set up a routine. You want the baby to be as comfortable as possible.

The bedroom

After washing and changing the baby, take him or her to say good night to everyone, even the dogs!

Then go into the bedroom and close the curtains and shutters. This is the time in the baby’s night routine to get some quiet. If possible, turn on a small light to avoid total darkness.

Make sure it’s 19 C. in the baby’s room for his comfort.

Take time to read a short story, talk, sing a song, and rock him/her. The goal is to relax the baby, share a tender moment with him, and make him feel secure. Do it quietly and in a low voice.

Then put him/her in bed AWAKE, tell him/her ‘Good Night (my lovely baby)’ and bye-bye ! Turn off the light and go away. Hopefully, at first, he will wake up 5 or 6 hours later.

Don’t take too long

It’s not necessary to stay too long in the bedroom to put the baby to bed. You may pay for it later, believe me, I’ve seen and read about it.  Use common sense.  

When someone else is watching your baby, it’ll be easier to get him to bed. You won’t be bothered with a phone call from the babysitter (your mother or mother-in-law) because the baby doesn’t want to sleep, all because you’ve set up a never-ending nightly ritual.

Also, once the baby is in bed, you can snuggle with your partner before you fall asleep.  If you spend an hour for the bedtime ritual, chances are your partner will fall asleep on the couch…unless that was the point!

Babies and children who fall asleep alone in their crib are much more likely to sleep better all night.

Since it is important that he or she gets used to falling asleep alone as soon as possible, don’t get your baby used to depending on you to fall asleep.

Don’t be around the baby all the time when he falls asleep, and especially don’t put him to sleep at the breast or bottle. It’s important to avoid that your baby falls asleep in your arms as much as possible.

If you put him to sleep by walking, rocking, or giving him something to drink, he’ll soon understand that he needs you to sleep and fall back asleep.

Do not use pacifiers

A good way to save on your sleep time is not to give the baby a pacifier at night. In fact, the same is true during the day.

This will prevent you from waking up at night all the time because he’s lost his pacifier and needs to be put back in.

Not giving him the ‘plug’ will be good for him anyway and doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll suck his thumb.

What if the baby wakes up?

The depth of a baby’s sleep can vary with each cycle. At times he will move, make sounds, smile (probably because of a fart). This is normal! We call them micro-awakenings.

If he starts to cry, don’t intervene right away, give him a chance to go back to sleep by himself. It’s not necessarily necessary to get up at the slightest cry, nor to touch him. You can give him signal mixes when you put the baby in his bed and pick him back up 5 minutes later.

He may be dreaming, reliving his day, going back to sleep. Wait a little while before you take him in your arms or you may unwillingly interrupt his night (advice from a pediatrician when I had Blondie Bear and true). When he wakes up for real you’ll know.

It’s not recommended to offer the breast or bottle every time the baby wakes up or when he cries unless you know it’s time. If you get him used to it, he will ask for it every time he wakes up.

Learn nursery rhymes

For the first few months, the nights with Junior were hell! He woke up to eat, BUT then he wouldn’t go back to sleep!

For 3 hours every night, he would stay awake.  I can tell you that at that time I didn’t know the nursery rhymes very well. After back-to-back singing everything that came into my head one night in a row (Madonna, Led Zeppelin, W. Houston, Blues Traveler) I learned those damn nursery rhymes.  

The best one (because it’s long, especially if you sing it slowly) is Il était un petit navire. Usually, I only had to sing it once all the way to the end for him to fall asleep, sometimes I would start a second round, but I wouldn’t get very far.  

Of course, by the time he started to do his real nights from 8:00 pm to 6:00 am around 4 months old, I had started to give him some cereal in his bottle.

Learning nursery rhymes will save your life and your mental health! 

For BLONDIE BEAR, the song was Somewhere over the rainbow. I had to find one for him in English since I was speaking to him in English.  For Blondie Bear, the nights were never a big problem, I was listening to him more and at 2 months old he was asleep from 8:00 pm to 6:00 am.  

That was a good thing because, at that time, I had to accompany Junior to school in the morning. It was important for Blondie Bear to be up around 7:00 a.m. so that I could have time to feed him and change his diaper before leaving for school.  

Our schedules were not always aligned and I had to breastfeed in the car several mornings.  That’s Mom’s life!

Waking up in the morning

When you wake up in the morning, open the curtains to let the light into the room. Don’t leave your baby lay in bed awake for more than 30 minutes.

What to do if my baby doesn’t go back to sleep?

There will come times when it’s hard for your baby to go back to sleep, and that’s normal. It will be a bad time, so it’s important to know some nursery rhymes!

There’s no miracle cure and it all depends on why he doesn’t want to sleep.

Reasons can vary such as a recent move, illness, constipation, too hot, too cold. It’s up to you to try to identify the cause, especially if sleeping is not normally a problem.

It’s like the guessing game, but less fun.

You can stay in the room to reassure him without necessarily touching him. Pretend (or not) to clean, talk, sing, read a story. The goal is for him to see you and hear your voice to reassure him. After a while (or 30 minutes) your voice starts to drop, disappear, and reappear.  It’s hard, but sometimes there’s nothing else to do.  

I used this technique with JUNIOR when he was 2 years old after a move.

When your baby is sick

When BLONDIE BEAR was 14 months old we had just recently moved to Canada and he caught the whooping cough.

I spent hours with him this in the eveningsover the course of two months to try to get him to sleep. It was really long and it took so much time.  

He slept on a mattress on the floor because we had just arrived in Canada.  I had to lie down next to him to make him fall asleep.  I massaged him a little bit, I sang a song and I made sure he didn’t choke on the cough.

He was sleeping very well before, so I knew it was because he wasn’t well. It wouldn’t have made any difference to take him to bed with me, especially since his dad had also contracted the whooping cough.  

I hadn’t thought about it at the time, but on second thought, a little glass of wine for me would surely have helped me during those moments to get over this long sleeping ordeal.

What is Co-bedding?

I’m not for sharing my nights with my baby in the same bed, which is called co-bedding, but that’s me.

It’s true, I admit, that it’s pleasant to have your baby next to you at night, especially if you’re breastfeeding. However, in the end, it doesn’t help anyone because you’ll have to get up to change the diaper after the feed or bottle anyway.

Mothers tend to say that they are doing this for the baby. Personally, I think they do it because they want to nurture their child to the fullest. I doubt very much that dads really have a say in this choice.

My sister did it until her children were old.  I know this is done a lot in the United States.  It’s a new way of doing things, it’s in the air I guess.

What about the couple? 

Personally, I find that the co-bedding breaks up the couple and prevents the father from having a real role in the child’s life from an early age (yes, a woman says so).  

Basically, I find it a bit selfish on the part of mothers, especially in this day and age.  I’m in favor of equality in the couple and co-parenting in a home. It’s something that has to be built up and this, before the birth of a child.

I find it unfortunate that a father can’t put his own baby to bed because he wants his mother and/or the breast.  A father should be able to put his child to bed without the mother’s help from the beginning.  Hence the reason and the need to establish bedtime routines from the beginning during the day and at night respecting the rhythm of the BABY of course.

Sleeping with your baby, for or against?

It is not recommended to sleep with your baby in the same bed because of sudden death and the risk of choking. Co-bedding exists in some cultures, but more for reasons of necessity than luxury.

However, nothing prevents you from putting the baby’s crib next to your bed or in your room for the first few months, especially if you have no choice. This was the case for me with Blondie Bear.

I remember trying to sleep with Blondie Bear when I was breastfeeding thinking it would keep me from getting up. It was my belief that it would make it easier for his father to get up and change his diaper. I was wrong on all fronts.

The few times I did it, I was so scared of crushing him or choking him under the blanket that I barely slept.

However, going to bed with your baby in the morning or possibly taking a nap with him every once in a while in the afternoon is definitely a possibility. It’s short-lived anyway.

However, there needs to be a pre-established sleep routine in place to be able to do that, otherwise, everything will be for nothing.

If you’re going to sleep with your baby with or next to you at night, there shouldn’t be a screen nearby.

A baby’s sleep allows him to retain the learning he’s done during the day. In addition, the growth hormone melatonin is released while your baby sleeps, allowing him to grow. This hormone needs darkness to be released.

This is why it is necessary not to have light in the room where the baby sleeps during the nights because that harms the production of this hormone.

Final thoughts

If the baby’s needs are met (drinking, a clean diaper, his well-being), he will be able to learn to fall asleep on his own.

Sleep hygiene is one of the things you need to teach your baby.

Gradually the baby will sleep less often but for longer. So what to do during these waking moments? I tell you all about it in the article on Days with a Baby.